Confessions of a Short-Waisted Woman

…A big-legged woman ain’t got no soul. ~Led Zepplin

What about a short-waisted woman? No morals? Questionable taste? A sick sense of humor?

I suffer from the above defect. As defects go, it isn’t the worst–not by far. But I’ve still had to learn how to dress myself to compensate for the fact that my waist, (if you can call the barely discernible indention that circles my core, a waist), hugs the bottom of my ribcage instead of hovering slightly north of my belly button.

The following looks would be horrible on me:

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But the absolute worst article of clothing for someone with my affliction?

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That would be mom jeans. (Also known as the short-waisted woman’s nightmare.)

According to the designers at the Gap, this look will be big in 2011. (Thanks to my friend Noël at BirdrockFabrications for sharing the horrible news.) Talk about setting women back. Which man decided it was a great idea to resurrect mom jeans?

It’s a new year, so I am going to take a deep cleansing breath and focus on the positive. And there is a positive in all of this. Below are some looks that work for those of us with misplaced waists.

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I think this outfit works because the dark color of the dress combined with the low-slung belt makes the torso appear elongated. Hip-hugging belts are the waist-challenged girl’s best friend. It’s a fact.

Something else that works? Hide your waist. If you can’t see it, it doesn’t matter where it is–right?

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I am a huge fan of the 1960’s mod look, and nothing says mod more than a classic shift dress. Well… maybe a pale girl riding a Vespa is more mod, but other than that–nothing. This dress is by Stella McCartney.

Layering is another great way to elongate the torso while hiding the waistline:

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This sweater is by Vince. I love Vince.  They are king (or maybe queen?) when it comes to making comfortable, high-quality, short-waist friendly tops.

And finally, you know what looks really good on those of us who have middle of the body issues?

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Low-rise jeans!

Fashion industry, I am begging. Please don’t take my low-rise jeans away.

What do you think? Are you a fan of high-waisted clothing? Do you have any tips for camouflaging a figure flaw?