It’s Elementary, My Dear

My son got his braces off yesterday. He was psyched to be done with braces before even starting the 8th grade. I wore braces through my first year of high school. And after that a stinky retainer that I, like everyone else I knew, accidentally threw away at least once. Son gets to wear an Invisalign type of tray for his top teeth (and only at night) and has a built-in, can’t see it, barely feel it, tiny retainer to hold his bottom teeth in place. My retainers were bulky and as mentioned earlier, smelly. His lean and high-tech. I am glad that in the past 30 or so years that advances have been made in orthodonture, and I would expect nothing less. What blows my mind is some of the stuff that hasn’t improved.

Shopping carts, for example, why no brakes? I cannot tell you how many times I have had to reach out to stop my cart from rolling away while I unload it. A simple kick-stand like apparatus would solve that problem. I know other people have thought of this–why it is not a reality by now is beyond me.

I love it that cars now come with reverse sensors. The beeping noise that my car emits has saved me from backing into something static and out of views on numerous occasions. And I hear that some of the newer vehicles will even apply the brake if the car senses you are not coming to a stop quickly enough–that’s great (and scary). How about an audible warning that the parking space you are attempting to squeeze your SUV into is too small? I hate it when I can’t park because someone else is taking up two spots. And conversely, I don’t like it when I have misjudged a space and find myself left with only an inch of door clearance. I, and you, (if you are driving the SUV) should be able to figure this out on our own–I know this, but it isn’t always easy to tell how much room you have or don’t have until it is too late.

Back to dentistry. Why do we still have to deal with wisdom teeth? Isn’t there a way to get those suckers out when they are tiny and not impacted? Or better yet, can’t we inject something into the gum to keep them from developing in the first place? We can spin sperm to dictate the gender of a baby, certainly we can get rid of wisdom teeth.

And why do I have to buy a new pair of tennis shoes when only the tread is worn? This is especially aggravating because not only do I not need the top of the shoe replaced (I rarely wear that part out), I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to find a new style altogether because the one I loved was discontinued. Someone (Nike, K-Swiss, Adidas) needs to come up with a program that allows me to send my tennis shoes back to get the sole replaced. Think green folks!

What advancements/inventions would you like to see?


10 responses

  1. I would like to see an organizing system for tupperware and a machine that matches socks after doing laundry. Oh and a washing machine that doesn’t eat half of the socks I am trying to match! Funny post! I despise people parking too close to me, especially back when I was lifting the two-ton baby car seat out.

    • Yes! There needs to be a way to organize the darn tupperware! Hmmmmmm… Don’t know what to say about the socks–pretty sure part of a huge money making venture involving Hanes and various washing machine manufacturers. Where the hell are those socks? And how come I never find them–even when I move homes?

    • Think, but could be wrong, you have to have at least one opposable thumb to scoop poop. So, maybe the more appropriate wish is for someone to invent an opposable thumb prosthetic for dogs? Or, better yet, a way to take the stink out of poop?

    • You’d have to make sure it was the safe type of aerosol though– and not Aquanet circa 1984. Have you given thought to a plug-in version of caffeine? Or maybe a stand alone dispenser, kind of like Glade but without the nauseating smell? Then you could inhale, but wouldn’t worry about hurting yourself or the environment. 😉

  2. Wisdom teeth and tennis shoes, both of these causes should be eligible for gov’t grants.

    While I am done with wisdom teeth worries, I wish the procedure to remove them on no one.

    I can live with the tread on me shoes wearing out. I can not stand the ever changing “styles”. How many colors does a tennis shoe require? I am no longer brand loyal, whichever shoe is the most conservatively styled, and provides the required comfort, gets my business.

    • You are lucky that you don’t have to be brand loyal. Some of us (me!!) have flat (think Sasquatch) feet and have to depend on a the handful of manufacturers who cater to that segment (flat feet make you part of a segment, right?) of the population.

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