I am starting to feel bad for my son. It appears that once he hits 40, he has nothing to look forward to. My daughter on the other hand, can aspire to be a MILF, or a cougar. And if those titles don’t work for her, she can try the newest tag, formerly, on for size. According to this article from Jezebel.com, formerlies, is a term used to describe women over 40 who when younger, were hot, and now aren’t. And apparently, the formerlies (or at least the woman who invented the term) are a-okay with that.
I don’t understand why women are being labeled or discussed this way. And, I really don’t understand why, if we are going to put a tag on middle-aged women’s attractiveness, we haven’t come up with some equally descriptive terms for middle-aged men? After all, it really isn’t fair that my desirability quotient can be quantified and labeled, but my husband’s can’t. I believe in gender equality, so here goes…
MILF. I don’t need, or want, to be called a MILF. I think the term is creepy and to put it bluntly–stupid. Why wouldn’t someone want to f**k a mother? Hello? Pretty sure it happens all the time…But, if this is how we are going to do things around here, then men should be included in the discussion too. I’ve heard DILF used once but I just don’t think it is going to catch on the same way MILF has. So, how about if we use the term OBO for men over the age of 40 instead? OBO stands for: Old-But-Okay. That’s catchy and flattering, right? What woman in her right mind wouldn’t love having her man known as an OBO?
Cougar. An older woman who prefers dating younger men is comparable to an animal who stalks its prey? Yet, when older men choose to date younger women, they are rarely labeled. Or, if they are, it is as a sugar daddy which implies that the man is taking care of the woman he is sleeping with–a woman, who if you take the title literally, is like a daughter to him. Huh? Yuck. Aren’t there laws against that? So, since sugar daddy clearly is not a good moniker, what if older men who are interested in younger women were known as, snakes?! Smooth and silent, a snake slithers in and strikes quickly–often, without the victim being the wiser. I’d think the men who fit into that category would be psyched to be known as snakes!! And imagine all the mr. snake contests that could be held!
If you are a woman older than 40 and don’t consider yourself to be a cougar or a MILF, have no fear, there is thankfully, another way to identify yourself! As mentioned earlier, you can be a formerly, as in “I was formerly hot.” I’ve always heard that it is when a woman reaches her forties that she begins to feel truly comfortable in her own skin. That has certainly been my experience. It’s too bad that has to be qualified. We are allowed to feel good about ourselves, accepting of ourselves, but only if we also accept that we aren’t “hot” anymore? What about our male counterparts? I am sure they too would like to graciously ride off into the acceptance sunset. They
need deserve a fancy handle too! I’ve got it–hasbeen! How about if the men who realize that they aren’t what they used to be refer to themselves as hasbeens?
In all seriousness, I am aware that a woman came up with at least one, if not more, of the definitions above. And, I really don’t get that. Why anyone who is close to a female–be they a daughter, mother, sister, wife or friend–would want to limit or label that person, directly or indirectly, is beyond me. Why a female would want to limit or label herself is really confusing, and yet it happens all the time. I don’t like that. I don’t like it for me, or for my friends, but more importantly, I don’t like it for my daughter and her friends. There’s not a lot I can do about it, I can’t make other people stop identifying themselves or others as a MILF, cougar or formerly, but I can stop sitting by silently, acting like it doesn’t bother me, because it does.