What Not to Wear–Ever

In the three-year history of The World According to Jennifer, there is one post that has been demonstrably more popular than the rest. Confessions of a Short-Waisted Woman, in which I write about my lifelong struggle with trying to dress in a way that kind of sorta makes it look like I have a definable midsection, is the most searched, commented on, and read, of my 155 entries.

So it should probably come as no surprise that I have been itching to take another stab at the world of fashion. But I didn’t want to just take a stab. I wanted whatever I came up with next to come from a source of inspiration. It was after all, a life well-lived, but lived without a real waistline, that inspired my first successful fashion-related post.

It has taken a while (one day shy of 23 months, but who’s counting) for lightning to strike again. But today–boom!–it did. (Oh wait, that’s thunder.)

comme-des-garcons-red-velvet-dress-product-1-5096949-838560157_large_flex

(photo credit: http://www.saksfifthavenue.com)

I came across the above dress (I would use the word sack, but the high-end retailer listed it as a dress and I am going to take them at their high-end word) online while perusing a 40 percent off sale. Here’s the view from behind:

comme-des-garcons-red-velvet-dress-product-3-5096949-838505600_large_card

(photo credit: http://www.saksfifthavenue.com)

This lovely little frock originally could have been yours for the very reasonable price of $1,515, but is now, thanks to the holiday discount gods, available for a mere $909. That’s quite the bargain–no?

What? You don’t think wearing this dress could change your life? Look at the model! She clearly feels great about herself in this red-hot number. I’d even go out on a limb and say she feels confident and probably beautiful. And who wouldn’t when wearing such a fine example of couture?

And lest you be confused, this design is indeed considered to be couture. It originated in the house of Comme des Garçons, a Tokyo-based fashion label that reportedly grosses around $180 million in revenue each year. The best part? Comme des Garçons is French for: “Like the boys.” I am going to assume that in this instance, that stands for “thinking like the boys.” Because there is no way any woman–at least not one who actually likes other women–could have come up with this particular design.

There you have it, my fashion advice for what not to wear–ever.  I hope I helped. I suspect that I did.

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11 responses

  1. That dress would make most people look like bloody dumplings. It’s truly hideous and congruent with a pet peeve of mine: t-shirts for cool things like bands you like or brands you love or affiliations you have (I’m looking at you, WUOG) that ONLY come in men’s styles and sizes. Women look dreadful in men’s t-shirts unless the fabric is thin and super-soft and the garment is way over-sized, and even then, this should only be your go-to look on those occasions you don’t bring enough clothes when you’re shacking, so he lends you something of his.

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